Tag Archives: WikiLeaks

WikiLeaks: Santa Claus is Russian spy

Julian Assange was once again the centre of the world’s attention as he faced condemnation for a series of cables which were published on his WikiLeaks site this afternoon which appear to show that Santa Claus is operating as a spy for the Russian government.

Documents sourced from within the American Department of Defense show references to a man named as Santa Claustsky who travels around the world using gift-giving as a cover for intelligence gathering.

Memo’s passed between US government officials outline a growing suspicion over the years of Santa’s ability to run such a large-scale operation – including the employment of thousands of elves and the maintenance of a high-powered sleigh – despite earning absolutely no income.

Leaked documents speculate on the possible methods which Santa could use to gather information from foreign governments as he travels from house-to-house around the world on Christmas Eve, with his ability to enter a home and leave undetected being noted as “particularly James Bond-like.”

One note reads:  “After considered study it is my conclusion that Santa Claus (Claustsky) is likely an operative for the Russian government”

The response to which hints that the United States has considered taking action against Santa:  “In light of your conclusion, perhaps it is time to go public with this?  Now would be a good opportunity to warn American’s of the risk of continuing to allow this man unrestricted access to their homes.”

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WikiLeaks: Government knew of potential snowfall in Spring

Astonishing new cables released by WikiLeaks, seen exclusively today by the Daily Mail, show for the first time that the Labour government knew as far back as February that there was a possibility of sub-zero temperatures and heavy snowfall hitting Britain this winter.

Confidential documents from the Home Office reveal that Gordon Brown was made aware on the 19th of February of research conducted by civil servants which predicted that there would be “a very strong likelihood of cold weather which will perhaps lead to some instances of snowfall in the winter months”.

The failure of the Prime Minister of the time to act on the information that Britain could potentially freeze in the winter is likely to anger the millions of people who have suffered from the country’s coldest winter in over a quarter of a century.

The shock revelation, which you can only read about in today’s Daily Mail, is bound to be a major source of embarrassment for the Labour Party and will likely reaffirm voters’ belief that the party is not fit to govern. [Full story on page 3]

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WikiLeaks: UK cabinet spent week’s work experience at Toys ‘R’ Us

Documents published on the controversial WikiLeaks site this afternoon show that several members of the newly formed Cabinet of the British government spent a week’s work experience at the Croydon branch of Toys ‘R’ Us.

The cables, released on the day that the coalition government faces its first major challenge as Parliament votes on a bill to raise tuition fees, reveal that more than a quarter of newly appointed Cabinet ministers were deployed to the toy and games retailer on the week beginning May 17.

Although some details of the document have been redacted, it can be seen that Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was put in charge of ‘Learning Toys’, Transport Minister Phil Hammond was given responsibility for the store’s range of model train sets, Chris Huhne was given a role supervising warehouse activity while Culture Minister Jeremy Hunt was refused permission to attend the store, with Toys ‘R’ Us management fearing the potential backlash Mr Hunt’s name could cause.

The leaked document outlines Prime Minister David Cameron’s belief that a week spent working in the toy store would provide excellent experience for the challenges of dealing with day-to-day government, with backbench MP’s and junior minister’s being likened to “spoilt little children”.

The leak is sure to cause some discomfort for the Prime Minister, who was hoping to send some struggling ministers to various branches of Greggs over the Christmas period.

 

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New WikiLeaks revelation: Ahmadinejad refuses to start the day without Peppa Pig

A fresh release of diplomatic cables from the whistle-blowing website WikiLeaks reveals that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad often refuses to start his day until he has watched an episode of the children’s cartoon Peppa Pig.

The cable from a source within the U.S. government provides a fascinating insight into the regime of President Ahmadinejad.  With information seemingly coming from a source close to the Iranian leader, the document details how Mr. Ahmadinejad awakens at 7.35am every morning with the same two demands:  a glass of Sunny Delight orange juice and a five-minute episode of the British cartoon Peppa Pig.

It is said that the President becomes aggressive if the animated show is not available, reaching such levels of agitation on some occasions that he threatens Armageddon.

Further WikiLeaks releases are scheduled for tonight.

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Julian Assange accidentally leaks location online

Julian Assange, the Australian founder of the controversial website WikiLeaks, which has recently published various classified government documents, this evening accidentally leaked his location on his Facebook page.

Mr. Assange, who has been in hiding in England since the issue of a warrant for his arrest in Sweden, updated his Facebook profile at 6:43pm with the message:  “Just been for dinner at best chip shop in Skegness.  Very cold out, must pick out warmer disguise next time!  Lol”

His status was quickly updated two minutes later with the message:  “Oh shit, how do I delete last status?

It is believed that Scotland Yard is preparing to act on the unexpected leak.

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World still in shock over revelations of government secrets

The world was still reeling today in the aftermath of yet more revelations from the website WikiLeaks, as people struggle to come to terms with the fact that their long-held suspicion that their government has been keeping secrets from them is indeed true.

For centuries it has been the common belief of people all over the world that their government has been keeping details from foreign diplomacy and international relations to domestic matters hidden from them.  Now that the controversial anti-corruption site WikiLeaks has released thousands of classified documents illustrating the extent of government secrecy, many citizens have expressed dis-belief and in some cases even outrage that their government has withheld information from them.

Leaks showing that Saudi Arabia urged the United States to bomb Iran, the UK holds concerns about the safety of Pakistan’s nuclear weapons and that Russia is considered a “mafia state” from which Vladimir Putin benefits, have come as a great shock to observers.

“We’ve always had a notion that our government keeps delicate pieces of information secret from us, but to have that confirmed as being true is another matter altogether,” commented one man.

“I am shocked and outraged that my government is keeping secrets from me.  What right do they have, in our democratic nation, to hide anything from us?  It shouldn’t matter if we already know that Russia is very similar to a mafia state – if our government believes so too then we should be told!”

Another man added:  “I am disgusted that my government has been hiding information from the public.  It’s just like I’ve always said – politicians are nothing but liars who probably have a massive vault of secrets buried away somewhere underground.”

Yet more classified documents released on WikiLeaks:

  • United States government suspects that Silvio Berlusconi may like attractive women
  • Records show that Boris Yeltsin’s vodka consumption amounted to 8% of Russia’s GDP in 1995
  • For at least four months the German government was highly suspicious of Knut the polar bear, suspecting that he may have been a Chinese spy
  • A British government-led study concluded that it is “very likely” that the government of France was communicating in French during ministerial meetings

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