Tag Archives: Tiger Woods

Welsh pop star goes to extreme lengths to avoid Tiger Woods

The Welsh diva was wary of the golfer's intentions

The most glamorous stars which Wales has to offer were out in force last night at a special concert at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium to welcome the Ryder Cup to Wales.  Dame Shirley Bassey, Catherine Zeta Jones and Katherine Jenkins were amongst those who took part in the gala event, though it was the crossover artist Jenkins who stole the show as she appeared to take extreme measures to avoid contact with the sex-crazed golf star Tiger Woods.

Onlookers inside the Millennium Stadium were under the impression that Ms Jenkins was making an extravagant entrance as she was lowered onto the stage from the ceiling on a slender rope.  However, backstage sources have since revealed that the soprano pleaded with bosses to have the rope attached to her at all times in order to allow her to make a quick exit should Tiger Woods, who it was recently revealed has had a string of extra marital affairs, get too close.

“Katherine was really nervous about meeting Tiger Woods,” the anonymous source said.  “She is proud of her good image within British popular culture, particularly in her role as the ‘Forces’ Sweetheart’, and was very worried that Tiger would attempt to seduce her.  After much thinking she asked if anyone had a long rope.  It was then that she came up with the idea of hiding out in the rafters, only descending to the stage when it was time for her to perform.  We kept the rope attached to her in the event that Tiger Woods got too close.”

The Ryder Cup tees off tomorrow.


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Are Wayne Rooney and Tiger Woods dating?


In an EXCLUSIVE story which will stun the sporting world, HEAT magazine this week reports how our network of celebrity spies across the glitzy London club scene have spotted footballer Wayne Rooney and leading golfer Tiger Woods together in a string of exclusive venues.

Both men have been the subject of more front page than back page stories in recent months as their respective marriages have come under increasing scrutiny in light of various sex scandals, and our top spies tell us that they have been seen in some of the Capital’s most expensive and trendy nightclubs’, in some instances even looking “intimate” and “as if they were having a good time”.

In a revelation which is sure to heap further misery upon Coleen Rooney, our mole tells us that the only possible explanation for Wayne and Tiger Woods being together in the nightclubs is that they are romantically involved.

“There’s no doubt in my mind that from what I could see, these two men were together.  Although it was dark and occasionally the clouds of smoke from the dance floor would obscure my vision, making it difficult to see where their hands were and indeed not allowing me a clear view of their faces, I could tell that it was Wayne Rooney and Tiger Woods and that there was more than friendship between them.  I’m no expert, of course, but their body language said everything.”

Despite Wayne Rooney being involved in a Champions League match at Old Trafford in Manchester on Tuesday night and even though Tiger Woods was known to be in the USA preparing for his involvement in next month’s Ryder Cup, the evidence that both men were together in a London nightclub this week is overwhelming.  It is believed that between them, Rooney and Woods have had sexual intercourse with every living woman in the world.  With that in mind, it stands to reason that they would turn to each other in search of their next sexual conquest.

On other pages in this week’s HEAT:

  • How to eat your own body weight in ice cream AND lose 12lbs in the process
  • REVEALED:  The real reason Big Brother bosses snubbed Jade Goody for their final show
  • Our fashion experts tell how YOU can make your own meat dress
  • Kelly Osbourne:  is she too fat thin?

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Woman marries money

A woman shocked the world yesterday when she announced that she is to marry a large pile of money.  The Swedish swimsuit model is said to be satisfied with the arrangement which will see her entering into a marriage with a sum of money believed to be in the region of £100million.  After being left frustrated following a lifetime of relationships with men, the blonde-haired woman is believed to be ready to commit to the money, which is rumoured to own a home in Florida.

Elin Nordegren is 30.

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