It’s an ice-cold Boxing Day night in a flat somewhere in southwest London. The leftover turkey has long since been eaten and the presents which once bulged beneath the Christmas tree have disappeared. But this bold Daily Express reporter and the psychic medium in his company are about to discover that there is one final gift for the Royal Family.
A brisk wind rattles the single-glazed windows as trained medium Marian Twinette places her Ouija board on the firm yet still superbly delicate surface of my coffee table.
She explains to me what the Ouija board does as we light a series of scented candles around the room.
We know that Diana will be attracted by a vague vanilla essence.
An undetermined period of time passes with Marian and myself hunched hopelessly over this Ouija board, the glass sitting curiously still on the lettered surface.
Our attempts to contact the late Princess seem futile.
“Try reminding her of some of her favourite things in the living world,” Marian whispers to me.
“Helping AIDS victims in Africa!”
“Bringing attention to the dangers of land mines!”
The juice glass shuddered on the Ouija board. We had made contact with the People’s Princess herself. After confirming her identity through a series of common questions – name, date of birth, husband (although this one proved a little more difficult to answer!) – we asked Diana the one question which the entire nation wanted answered.
Do you approve of Prince William’s marriage to Kate Middleton?
After a brief respite, we sat in awe as Marian’s hand was guided around the Ouija board by the spirit of Princess Diana. ‘Y’ quickly followed by ‘E’ and then on to ‘S’ gave the answer every British person and Daily Express reader wanted to see.
We sat thoroughly satisfied with the outcome of the evening’s events, radiant in the knowledge that our uncrowned Queen Diana had given her blessing to the Royal Wedding.