As Pope Benedict XVI’s four day State visit to Britain draws to a close in Birmingham today, the full extent of the plot against His Holiness uncovered by police on Friday can be disclosed.
Police investigations into the matter have found evidence of a fully fledged plot by the British media to discredit The Pope in the days and weeks prior to his arrival in the country. A review of all British tabloid newspapers found dangerous headlines relating to the “cover up of child abuse” and “paedophile priests” whilst ignoring the need for balanced and informed reporting.
The same investigation also found violent language and innuendo in the reporting of Pope Benedict’s past with the Hitler youth as well as evidence of anger over the cost of the State visit.
Upon learning of the plot, sources at the Vatican remained unperturbed, vowing to conclude the visit as planned with the beatification of Cardinal Newman in Birmingham. “These threats do not worry us. We were well aware of the British media’s tendency to resort to hyperbole and hysteria in matters of religion.”
A police source close to the investigation commented, “do not let the recent headlines praising the Pope’s visit as a success fool you. This is a dangerous group which we are dealing with and they cannot be trusted. They display a rare breed of fanaticism which cannot be under-estimated.”
Pope Benedict XVI waves to the crowds at Bellahouston Park as he prepares to leave Glasgow
It was, as Susan Boyle may or may not sing on her next album, such a perfect day. From the moment Pope Benedict XVI arrived in Edinburgh yesterday morning for his four-day State visit of Britain, the sun had shined and the crowds continued to swell, allaying any fears some may have had about a lack of interest in the Papal Visit.
Mothers brought their babies out to be blessed, schoolchildren representing schools up and down the country were in attendance and there were even those old enough to remember a time when religious faith still had relevance in Britain.
As his Holiness concluded a large open air Mass in Bellahouston Park, the same Glasgow greenery where Pope John Paul II celebrated almost thirty years ago, many agreed that the Pope’s visit in Glasgow and Edinburgh – his first in Britain – had been a resounding success.
However, as Pope Benedict boarded the Popemobile, the massive crowds still eager for one final glimpse of the Holy Father on this historic day, He is reported to have turned to his personal assistant Father (Monsignor) Georg Gaenswein and expresses His one single regret upon leaving Glasgow for England.
Asked what that regret was, Pope Benedict XVI responded in his familiar Bavarian tone, “we didn’t see The Krankies….”
Airline passenger steps off the plane
Such is the marvel of modern aerodynamic travel, an 83 year-old man was able to fly into Edinburgh this morning, arriving in the Scottish capital on the 7.20am flight from Rome. The elderly man is understood to be interested in visiting many of Britain’s cities during his weekend break in the country. According to those who know the man he is a teller of great stories and enjoys wearing large hats to amuse guests at parties.