Tag Archives: iPhone

iPhone app self-destructs after download

Apple were facing fresh criticism today amid reports from users of the company’s flagship iPhone that their latest app self-destructs within three minutes of being downloaded.

The technology giants were already reeling following the discovery of a fault in their alarm application which prevented one-off alarms from activating on the first two days of 2011, leaving many users with an unwanted sleep-in.

This latest trouble to afflict the iPhone comes in the form of an application – ‘Pretentiousness Alert’ – which warns ordinary, unsuspecting iPhone owners of nearby users who may have purchased a handset simply to appear cool, or to create an impression of importance at parties.

Twitter was abuzz with posts from disgruntled iPhone users this morning, many of whom had downloaded the app only to witness a small cloud of smoke emerge from their model no more than four minutes after download.  Within moments of the appearance of the smoke, the app had vanished from the phone.

“At £5.99 download cost, this is a shocking rip-off!”  Tweeted one disgruntled Apple customer.

“All I wanted was to be able to avoid other pretentious iPhone twats,” blasted another.

Apple have apologised for what they say is a technical fault with the app and assure customers that a full refund will be available within two years.

It is estimated that 74% of iPhone owners bought their handset purely to appear trendy and get sex at parties.


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Apple’s new app will assist users breathing

Apple, the producers of popular products such as the iPhone, the iPod and the iPad, announced to its stockholders today that November will see the launch of a brand new app which will help its user to breathe.

Once downloaded from the Apple store at a cost of £9.95 the app, which initially will only be available to owners of the iPhone, will provide the user with step-by-step instructions in the act of breathing, suggest how often this should be performed and give the user tips for better breathing techniques.

An executive said:  “This is the next logical step in Apple’s quest to meet every one of our customers needs.  We have become aware, through various forms of market research, that once a person owns an Apple product it very quickly begins to take over their life.  It was this research which helped us to realise that, as their iPhone takes over the customer’s life and they come to believe that they cannot live without it, an applet which helps the customer to breathe will become necessary.”

“The fact is, you cannot live without your iPhone and you can’t live without breathing, either.”

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