The famous fig roll, bought by many and eaten by few who will admit to it, is to be banned under a new EU directive which protects the consumer against tasty looking products which actually taste like baked evil.
Sources in Strasbourg suggest that the European Court of Human Rights is considering a proposal which would prohibit supermarkets within the European Union from selling the pastry encased figs after a string of complaints from consumers who have picked up a packet of fig rolls from the biscuit aisle, believing them to be a tasty sweet treat, only to discover the truth – that they are one of mankind’s most vile creations.
Now it is the belief of high-powered lawyers in Strasbourg that selling fig rolls to consumers under the impression that they are biscuits contravenes their human rights and that sales of the product should be prohibited immediately.
“I bought a packet of fig rolls one time when I was walking down the biscuit aisle. I noticed them on the shelf and thought that they looked interesting,” said one unsuspecting customer from Luton. “So I picked them up out of curiosity and bought them. Once I was home I couldn’t wait to get the kettle on and get stuck into this packet of fig rolls. But when I took a bite out of the pastry and had a mouthful of the filling, I thought I was eating poison. I felt sick almost right away. It was disgusting. How can supermarkets get away with selling these things in the biscuit aisle?”
It is estimated that fig rolls will be outlawed across the European Union by the end of 2011 if the legislation is passed through the European Court of Human Rights.