After days of discussion and debate the decision has finally been made to take military action against the insurgent snow which is holding Britain hostage.
Troops have been deployed into the city of Edinburgh where there is already an aggressive presence of snow and ice attacking the streets of Scotland’s capitals. The soldiers, sent in with the blessing of the Ministry of Defence, have launched a strategic assault on the snow and ice using pickaxe’s and shovels.
The snow, considered by many to be the meanest force to hit Edinburgh’s streets in a long time, has indiscriminately attacked the city’s residents for over a week now, causing injury and blockading dozens of motorists on the roads out of the city. Pavements have become virtually unwalkable and supplies are running low as panic sets in.
The hostile confrontation is expected to last for a day or two before the snow begins to retreat.
Pope Benedict XVI waves to the crowds at Bellahouston Park as he prepares to leave Glasgow
It was, as Susan Boyle may or may not sing on her next album, such a perfect day. From the moment Pope Benedict XVI arrived in Edinburgh yesterday morning for his four-day State visit of Britain, the sun had shined and the crowds continued to swell, allaying any fears some may have had about a lack of interest in the Papal Visit.
Mothers brought their babies out to be blessed, schoolchildren representing schools up and down the country were in attendance and there were even those old enough to remember a time when religious faith still had relevance in Britain.
As his Holiness concluded a large open air Mass in Bellahouston Park, the same Glasgow greenery where Pope John Paul II celebrated almost thirty years ago, many agreed that the Pope’s visit in Glasgow and Edinburgh – his first in Britain – had been a resounding success.
However, as Pope Benedict boarded the Popemobile, the massive crowds still eager for one final glimpse of the Holy Father on this historic day, He is reported to have turned to his personal assistant Father (Monsignor) Georg Gaenswein and expresses His one single regret upon leaving Glasgow for England.
Asked what that regret was, Pope Benedict XVI responded in his familiar Bavarian tone, “we didn’t see The Krankies….”
Airline passenger steps off the plane
Such is the marvel of modern aerodynamic travel, an 83 year-old man was able to fly into Edinburgh this morning, arriving in the Scottish capital on the 7.20am flight from Rome. The elderly man is understood to be interested in visiting many of Britain’s cities during his weekend break in the country. According to those who know the man he is a teller of great stories and enjoys wearing large hats to amuse guests at parties.