Tag Archives: Budget

Budget: A motorist speaks

Perhaps the most celebrated of the Chancellor’s announcements in yesterday’s budget was the brave decision to slash 1p off the price of petrol.

Despite the left-wing media’s insistence on highlighting government cuts and stalling growth, yesterday’s budget showed that George Osborne does have a heart, and a very giving one at that, as his policy to substantially cut the cost of fuel will ensure that every Briton has extra money in their pocket.

This was evident in station forecourts the length and breadth of the country this morning as enthusiastic motorists took advantage of the Chancellor’s unexpected generosity.

Yesterday as prices stood as high as an eye-watering £1.35 per litre the forecourts were like a deserted wasteland, with consumers hesitant to fill their vehicles in fear that the cost might leave them bankrupt.

Contrast this with the scenes of economic flurry today as car loads of families flocked to the petrol pumps eager to top-up their tanks knowing that Mr. Osborne’s 1p reduction in fuel would save them a fortune.

“I’ve just filled up my tank,” said one delighted driver.  “I can’t believe that I’ve saved thirty pence on what I would have spent yesterday.  I don’t know what I’m going to do with the extra money I’ve got, but if I keep saving money like this I’ll have an extra pound or two by the end of the month.  Thank you George Osborne!”

Another thrilled motorist planned to drive her car more in order to save enough money to take a holiday abroad.  “Taking a penny off the price of a litre of petrol has given me a new lease of life!”

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Osborne announces tax on bad news

Chancellor George Osborne shocked politicians and pundits alike today when he used his Spring Budget to announce the introduction of a new tax on bad news stories.

The announcement came as part of a budget which once again focussed on stabilising the faltering economy, with Mr. Osborne insisting that the introduction of a tax on bad news would generate billions of pounds for the British economy.

In a press release issued minutes after the end of the Chancellor’s budget statement Mr. Osborne detailed the government’s plans to tax news outlets such as newspapers and 24-hour television channels as much as £14,000 for reporting stories such as the poor state of the economy, the drastic government cuts and military action taken in foreign countries.

“It’s time for Britain’s costly obsession with bad news stories to end,” said the Chancellor.  “If news outlets wish to continue reporting about how bad the economy is, the least they can do is contribute to its revival.  In the meantime, we’re hoping that as well as generating new income for the economy, this measure will result in an increase in feel good news stories, such as how wonderfully well the coalition are working together and how the government’s fiscal policies are saving the country’s women and children.”

Our editor would like us to point out that this is a good news story.

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