The clean-living utopia of the United States of America found itself deep in a moral crisis this past weekend when it was revealed that a famous person had been arrested on suspicion of behaving badly. Normally busy shopping malls became ghost towns, thriving highways slowed to a complete standstill as shocked motorists abandoned their vehicles in search of enlightenment and social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter were awash with messages expressing shock. The Federal government was last night preparing a special 24 hour telephone helpline which citizens will be able to contact for advice and reassurance.
The alleged incident involving the celebrity figure occurred in the deeply religious town of Las Vegas, a fact which added to the astoundment that the nation’s people are now feeling.
“I just can’t believe this! I’m lost for words,” wailed a young Nevada resident amongst five minutes of teary rambling.
“I refuse to accept that one of our celebrities has been arrested,” commented a stock broker from Lower Manhattan. “They are so clean and so wealthy and are always there for us to idolise on 24 hour cable television and in glossy gossip magazines.”
“This has to be a mistake!” screeched a perma-tanned resident of California. “This is America and we’re talking about famous people here, everyone knows that they can do no wrong. Bad behaviour is for the French or those British people and not our celebrities!”
“What does she do?” questioned one ill-informed…(continued on page $20,000,000)