Tag Archives: America

Celebrity in bad behaviour shock!

A famous person

The clean-living utopia of the United States of America found itself deep in a moral crisis this past weekend when it was revealed that a famous person had been arrested on suspicion of behaving badly.  Normally busy shopping malls became ghost towns, thriving highways slowed to a complete standstill as shocked motorists abandoned their vehicles in search of enlightenment and social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter were awash with messages expressing shock.  The Federal government was last night preparing a special 24 hour telephone helpline which citizens will be able to contact for advice and reassurance.

The alleged incident involving the celebrity figure occurred in the deeply religious town of Las Vegas, a fact which added to the astoundment that the nation’s people are now feeling.

“I just can’t believe this!  I’m lost for words,” wailed a young Nevada resident amongst five minutes of teary rambling.

“I refuse to accept that one of our celebrities has been arrested,” commented a stock broker from Lower Manhattan.  “They are so clean and so wealthy and are always there for us to idolise on 24 hour cable television and in glossy gossip magazines.”

“This has to be a mistake!” screeched a perma-tanned resident of California.  “This is America and we’re talking about famous people here, everyone knows that they can do no wrong.  Bad behaviour is for the French or those British people and not our celebrities!”

“What does she do?” questioned one ill-informed…(continued on page $20,000,000)

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Controversy over proposed mosque at Ground Zero intensifies

The proposed site for the "Ground Zero Mosque"

The debate over a proposed mosque close to Ground Zero, the site of the September 11 terrorist attacks, continued to rage yesterday as prominent social figures weighed in with their opinions.  The Islamic cultural center is scheduled to be constructed two blocks away from the sacred site and would not be visible from Ground Zero.  However, controversy has raged since the proposal became public and shows no signs of abating.

“How can we even consider this proposal?”  A well-known radio talk show host fumed.  “This is hallowed ground, sacred soil in our nation’s history.  To build a mosque in such close proximity is like spitting on the graves of thousands of Americans!”

Another anonymous source added, “you don’t see us going over to those Islamic countries and inflicting our beliefs on them, so why should they come into America and preach theirs here?!!!!”

A respected Republican commentator added, “this mosque should not be built on Ground Zero.  It is an insult to those who lost their lives on 9/11!”  Pausing for breath and to wipe the spittle from his lip he continued, “in fact, come to think about it, it would be an injustice to the memory of every single American who has lost their life if this mosque was to be built anywhere in our great nation!  I’m not a racist but….”  (continued on page KKK (that’s 555, folks)

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