Tag Archives: Alex Salmond

Salmond thanks self in victory speech

A triumphant Alex Salmond this evening thanked himself for his own “hard work, dedication and all-round brilliance” as he delivered his victory speech in Edinburgh following a historic Scottish parliament election.

Mr. Salmond, who will now serve a second four-year term as President of Alex Salmond, was beaming with pride and smugness as he stepped off his helicopter to give the speech everyone had been waiting for.

“I would like to promise the people of Scotland that my party and I will endeavour to do everything possible to further the cause of Alex Salmond,” said Mr. Salmond.

“This is a great, historic day for the Scottish nation.  They have afforded themselves the privilege of being governed by Alex Salmond for four more years.”

“And not only is it a proud moment for Scotland, but it is a proud moment for me too.  I’ve worked hard for decades to learn to like the sound of my own voice and to constantly be able to find ways of getting publicity for myself.  So I, on behalf of my colleagues in the SNP, would like to thank myself for my efforts in getting the SNP re-elected.”


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Salmond angrily denies claims of staff rage

Alex Salmond is said to be capable of "explosive rages" in a new biography

Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond today reacted furiously to a new biography which accuses him of being capable of “explosive rages” and prone to angry outbursts.

The book, titled Salmond: Against The Odds, quotes an unnamed nationalist source as saying that Mr Salmond could be “explosive in his rage” and details the often difficult relationship between the First Minister and his staff.  However, the SNP leader has responded angrily to the claims, which he says are untrue and hurtful.

“The lies printed in this so-called biography are a f@$#*ng disgrace.  To suggest that I am capable of explosive f@$#*ng RAGE is a ridiculous thing to say.  Frankly, it’s bulls#*t!  I don’t know who wrote this nonsense, but I’m gonnae find out.  And when I find him…I’ll tell you this….he’ll be in fer a doin’!  I am f@$#*ng LIVID!!!”

At this point in the interview Mr Salmond told our reporter to “f@$* off with your f@$#*ng tape recorder!”

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