Fig rolls to be banned under new EU Human Rights law

The famous fig roll, bought by many and eaten by few who will admit to it, is to be banned under a new EU directive which protects the consumer against tasty looking products which actually taste like baked evil.

Sources in Strasbourg suggest that the European Court of Human Rights is considering a proposal which would prohibit supermarkets within the European Union from selling the pastry encased figs after a string of complaints from consumers who have picked up a packet of fig rolls from the biscuit aisle, believing them to be a tasty sweet treat, only to discover the truth – that they are one of mankind’s most vile creations.

Now it is the belief of high-powered lawyers in Strasbourg that selling fig rolls to consumers under the impression that they are biscuits contravenes their human rights and that sales of the product should be prohibited immediately.

“I bought a packet of fig rolls one time when I was walking down the biscuit aisle.  I noticed them on the shelf and thought that they looked interesting,” said one unsuspecting customer from Luton.  “So I picked them up out of curiosity and bought them.  Once I was home I couldn’t wait to get the kettle on and get stuck into this packet of fig rolls.  But when I took a bite out of the pastry and had a mouthful of the filling, I thought I was eating poison.  I felt sick almost right away.  It was disgusting.  How can supermarkets get away with selling these things in the biscuit aisle?”

It is estimated that fig rolls will be outlawed across the European Union by the end of 2011 if the legislation is passed through the European Court of Human Rights.

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Fig rolls to be banned under new EU Human Rights law

  1. Pat

    Is this a Joke ?

  2. Pat

    Personally I have eaten Fig Newtons… Been awhile though…. But in US, a biscuit is considered well… a biscuit ( doughy like oven browned rolls that you butter up and or dip in gravy). But from what I know in Europe a biscuit is considered a cookie. Like an Oreo or a Shortbread sugar cookie. So I guess a Fig Roll should be considered a pastry, right? So should be in a pastry isle.
    I don’t understand where human rights come into play with a Fig Pastry Roll?
    Figs are not human therefore can not defend themselves in this matter. Was there actual poison or a bad batch or a physical crime at here?
    But who am I to say what is Politically correct ?

    • Political correctness has gone mad over here in Europe, my friend.

      Apparently because these customers purchased the fig rolls from the biscuit (cookie) aisle they believed that they would be a sweet and tasty treat. But what they got when they bit into the fig roll was disappointment that it apparently isn’t sweet and tasty at all. They found the fig roll to be disgusting, vile and seemingly tasting like evil. I think the point is that their human rights have been infringed by supermarkets selling them horrible products dressed up as delicious looking biscuits.

  3. Pat

    I could go on forever with this one… Ha Ha … Well my final note to this is…That’s Marketing.
    Read this: http://eatthis.womenshealthmag.com/content/11-secrets-food-industry-doesnt-want-you-know?cm_mmc=ETNTNL-_-03172011-_-HTML-_-hed
    or
    http://eatthis.womenshealthmag.com/slideshow/18-supermarket-lies-revealed

    After which you will be a lot more educated on how you shop in your supermarkets. Take care.

  4. Shatha SA

    It’s 2017 and it’s in my friends lunch box also your making me hungry

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