Yellow melon to be re-shaped under new European legislation

The classic yellow melon

Next time you visit your local greengrocer or find yourself in the fresh produce section of your high street supermarket, take a moment to admire the selection of yellow melons on offer.  Savour the tremendous curvature of the fruit, the unique shape which sets it apart from everything else in the aisle.  Because some time in the future that wonderful shape may be but a distant memory as new EU legislation will require the yellow melon to be re-shaped.

The controversial new law has been recommended in the aftermath of an unprecedented case which came before the European Court of Human Rights earlier this week, in which a young Belgian woman successfully sued the owner of a small grocery outlet in Ghent, after arguing that the sight of the melons caused her “undue stress and upset” as a result of their “overtly sexual appearance”.  The Belgian woman described the shape of the melon as being “distinctly breast like”, a feature which she argued to the court, “diminished my sense of femininity”.

It is yet to be determined what form the new yellow melon will take, or indeed whether it is even possible to change the shape of the fruit.  European ministers are currently investigating whether it is feasible to manipulate the shape of the melon whilst it is in the ground.  Depending on the outcome of their research it may be that the yellow melon may have to be sold in slices from supermarket shelves.

A similar case involving a banana was dismissed from the court with the judge telling the German banker:  “In your dreams…”

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